When you find it difficult to relax and rest

When you’re feeling exhausted, burnt out, stressed and overwhelmed, rest can feel both essential and strangely out of reach. It’s not just about being tired—it’s that everything feels too much, and even slowing down can feel like another task on the to-do list.

Ever find resting tricky—not because you don’t want to, but because it feels a bit complicated? Maybe rest seems unfamiliar, tinged with guilt, just out of reach, or wrapped up in mixed emotions.

You might crave quiet, stillness, and relaxation. But when you finally get those moments, your body resists.

You feel restless, twitchy, even guilty. A voice in your head pipes up: “You haven’t earned this,” “There’s more you should be doing,” “Don’t get too comfy.” Or perhaps you’re simply feeling stressed and utterly exhausted, and it feels like your emotions haven’t quite caught up with your body yet.

If this rings a bell, let me reassure you—it’s not because you’re lazy, flawed, or bad at relaxing. You’re simply wired to protect yourself, and sometimes that protective instinct kicks in even when you’re safe and the danger is long gone.

I often say to clients: if rest feels emotionally tricky, start by looking at the science. Understanding rest as a basic biological need can help bypass complicated feelings.

Rest isn’t just nice—it’s essential to your wellbeing.

And when I talk about rest, I don’t just mean naps or lying still (though that’s great too!). Rest is anything that nourishes and restores you. It could be running because it clears your mind, reading something purely for pleasure, or pottering about at home instead of rushing around. Rest can be quietness, creativity, laughter—whatever refuels you.

Remember, you’re not a machine—you’re more like a sponge.

I often use the sponge analogy with people juggling lots of responsibilities because every day you absorb stress, noise, demands, and emotions. You soak up the chaos of family life, the pressure of responsibilities, and even your own suppressed reactions. Eventually, like any sponge, you become saturated.

If you don’t find ways to squeeze some of that stress out, you’ll start leaking. Maybe you’ll snap, shut down, withdraw from things you love, or feel a quiet sense that you’re somehow not good enough.

But how can we squeeze the sponge when guilt, anxiety, or overwhelm make rest feel impossible? Let’s start with practical solutions first, rather than deep feelings.

Here are three science-backed ways to rest, even if resting seems impossible:

Crying as release: Crying isn’t weakness—it’s biology. Emotional tears release stress hormones and activate your calming nervous system. Ever cried in private and suddenly felt better afterwards? That’s your body doing its job. Here are gentle ways to invite that relief if tears feel stuck:

• Take a warm shower or bath and let yourself relax.
• Listen to a song or watch something safe that engages you.
• Write a note that starts, “What I really want to say is…”
• Sit quietly in your car with music and see what emerges.
• Place your hand on your heart and say, “It’s okay to feel this.”

Gentle movement to break stress down: Stress floods your body with hormones meant for survival. Gentle movement can help release these chemicals, even if your mind feels busy. Try:

• Walking around the block listening to something comforting.
• Simple stretches at home.
• Shaking tension out of your hands.
• Dancing to one song without worrying how you look.

Breathing to slow stress: Stress makes your breathing short and shallow, which keeps you alert. Deepening your breath sends a signal to your body that it’s safe to relax. Here’s an easy method:

• Breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of four.
• Hold gently for four.
• Exhale through your mouth for six to eight counts.
• Pause for two before starting again.

Do this a few times, allowing calmness to naturally settle in, gently and gradually, like ripples fading on water.