I hear a lot of people talk about ‘charisma’ when listing attractive elements in potential partners. I think that most confuse charisma with personal power, or is it the same thing? Whilst seeming to be very attractive people, those with a sense of personal power often present particular problems within a relationship. Some would say that all relationships are about power; who wants it and who’s got it at any one time? A relationship has to have an element of power as we want to please the other person enough to remain in a relationship with them. Men and women who play out power and control in relationships always do a great job of attracting a partner; they are after all usually charismatic, charming and self-assured so are pretty much guaranteed to ‘get the girl’ with their unique blend of push and pull guaranteed to stoke up quite a passion. People who play these power and control games often have (in their minds) a very legitimate reason for playing these games. It may be that they’ve spent their life fighting an impoverished upbringing by doggedly searching out success and wealth which means imposing a power and control into their lives that a poor background robbed them of.
Cognitive dissonance is a term used to describe the internal battle we have to maintain the consistency in our thoughts, feelings and actions to minimise conflict amongst them. A life spent using power and control to have our lives the way we want them, means that we will behave the same within relationships. The emotional battle that ‘powerful’ people wage in their relationships can render their partner powerless and passive which ultimately becomes deeply unattractive. When both partners in a relationship are pretty much equally matched in the power stakes, fireworks can ensue, which stokes up a lot of passion but often leaves much hurt and anger and can sometimes tip over in to violence, both emotionally and physically.
As these ‘powerful’ people can be so attractive it’s really easy to get stuck in repetitive relationships as you keep picking these people and wonder why the result is always the same? You have to learn how to find being respected and valued rather than being constantly dragged into a psychological battle as an attractive quality. Power and control games in a relationship mean that you never allow yourself to be fully vulnerable and be honest about who you are and what you think and feel. Not allowing this vulnerability will prevent you being fully present and authentically engaging in a relationship, with the result that you will never get to experience the love that you have always searched for.
Known as the best psychologist around, Wendy’s an obvious choice to be featured on the show’
Cheshire Housewives
As an ex-athlete I’ve always advocated the benefits of keeping in shape physically, but it’s just as important to look after your mental wellbeing. Book a session with Wendy, she’s the person to help you look after your brain just as you would your body.
Graham Bell
5 x Olympic Skier and presenter of BBC Ski Sunday.
Amazing!
Rachel Lugo
Cheshire Housewives
Dare to dream big and Wendy’s THE person to help get you there.
Sam Bailey
X Factor winner with a long list of sell out tour successes under her belt.
The most exciting thing in the world is getting a chance to tear it all up and start again. Keep all the things you want and throw out everything you don’t. Wendy will help you do just that!
Becky Sheeran
Beauty, lifestyle and fashion blogging sensation Becky Sheeran (TalkBeckyTalk)
It’s great to have a leading psychotherapist such as Wendy in the Cheshire area, outside of her Harley Street practice. After publicly raising awareness of mental health issues and myself recovering from depression, I know how immensely life-changing expert intervention can be.
Jason Jarrett
Retired ex-professional football who played for Bury, Wigan, Stoke, Preston, Norwich, Leicester and Brighton during a 14 year career. After leaving professional football, Jason battled depression and recovered with the help of therapy and family support.
Wendy is great at what she does; she made me feel at ease immediately and really helped me work through some issues.
Tara Costello
It’s funny but from the minute I met her I felt so relaxed and she was so easy to talk to. Thank you!
Stevie Brown
Wendy isn’t only really good at what she does, she’s also really easy to talk to.
Gabriel Wilson
I want to thank you Wendy from the bottom of my heart for guiding me through what must have been the most difficult time of my life.
Raza Syed
I was told she was the best and they were right.
Noelle Dray
Although I consider myself a confident person, I was really nervous when I met Wendy for the first time. I had only emailed her before so it was really nerve wracking walking up the stairs to her office. I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I have ever done. Wendy is really normal, no in fact she isn’t normal as she is unfailingly bright and smiley even when she has to listen to me moan on about how awful my life was. It feels like having a chat with somebody who just gets you and you can trust with things you have never trusted anybody else with before. The magic bit comes when things you have talked about just pop up into your head and you start to do things differently. Wendy once joked about not having a magic wand, but I think she has.
Paul Hendry
I came to Wendy with a set of problems I have never been able to fully explain to anyone, which included grief, many family issues and alcohol problems. Wendy truly has an active listening style and absorbs everything you are saying, whilst not making you feel analysed, it is an incredible skill. She astounded me at how she got to the crux of the issues so fast. So much so that we both agreed I only needed one session with her, obviously this may not be the case with everyone but I would confidently recommend her to anyone, regardless of your problems. There was no awkwardness or even clock watching, she is wonderful at what she does, take the plunge and make an appointment, you will not regret it. Life is a direction not a destination and she will get you on the path again.
JB
