Anxiety and control tend to go hand in hand. When life feels uncertain, the anxious mind works overtime trying to predict outcomes, manage every possibility, and prevent anything bad from happening. It’s not because you’re controlling by nature—it’s because anxiety has taught you that control equals safety.
But the hard truth is this: most of what we try to control isn’t actually controllable. And the more we grip, the tighter anxiety grips back.
Anxiety convinces us that if we plan enough, prepare enough, or think enough, we can prevent discomfort, disappointment, or danger. So we rehearse conversations, over-explain, triple-check messages, and anticipate worst-case scenarios. For a moment, it might even feel comforting. But it never lasts—because life doesn’t bend to our mental scripts.
Trying to control the uncontrollable keeps your nervous system in a constant state of tension. You’re always checking: Is everything going the way I need it to? And when it doesn’t, anxiety spikes—not because anything catastrophic happened, but simply because reality didn’t match your internal plan.
Healing begins with recognising what’s yours to hold—and what isn’t.
You can control:
• Your breath
• Your choices
• Your boundaries
• The way you speak to yourself
• How you respond
You cannot control:
• Other people’s feelings, opinions, or behaviour
• The past
• The future
• Outcomes
• Random physical sensations
• Uncertainty itself
Your body relaxes when it knows the difference.
A simple way to practice releasing control is through a small breathing reset. When you notice yourself gripping tightly to something that isn’t actually yours to manage, pause and take a slow, deliberate breath:
Inhale: “I notice my anxious response.”
Exhale: “I can decide how to act.”
This isn’t about forcing yourself to feel calm—it’s about creating just enough space between the feeling and your reaction so you can respond with clarity rather than panic.
Letting go isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a gentle, ongoing practice. And every time you release even a fraction of what you were never meant to carry, you make room for steadiness, presence, and peace to return.
Known as the best psychologist around, Wendy’s an obvious choice to be featured on the show’
Cheshire Housewives
As an ex-athlete I’ve always advocated the benefits of keeping in shape physically, but it’s just as important to look after your mental wellbeing. Book a session with Wendy, she’s the person to help you look after your brain just as you would your body.
Graham Bell
5 x Olympic Skier and presenter of BBC Ski Sunday.
Amazing!
Rachel Lugo
Cheshire Housewives
Dare to dream big and Wendy’s THE person to help get you there.
Sam Bailey
X Factor winner with a long list of sell out tour successes under her belt.
The most exciting thing in the world is getting a chance to tear it all up and start again. Keep all the things you want and throw out everything you don’t. Wendy will help you do just that!
Becky Sheeran
Beauty, lifestyle and fashion blogging sensation Becky Sheeran (TalkBeckyTalk)
It’s great to have a leading psychotherapist such as Wendy in the Cheshire area, outside of her Harley Street practice. After publicly raising awareness of mental health issues and myself recovering from depression, I know how immensely life-changing expert intervention can be.
Jason Jarrett
Retired ex-professional football who played for Bury, Wigan, Stoke, Preston, Norwich, Leicester and Brighton during a 14 year career. After leaving professional football, Jason battled depression and recovered with the help of therapy and family support.
Wendy is great at what she does; she made me feel at ease immediately and really helped me work through some issues.
Tara Costello
It’s funny but from the minute I met her I felt so relaxed and she was so easy to talk to. Thank you!
Stevie Brown
Wendy isn’t only really good at what she does, she’s also really easy to talk to.
Gabriel Wilson
I want to thank you Wendy from the bottom of my heart for guiding me through what must have been the most difficult time of my life.
Raza Syed
I was told she was the best and they were right.
Noelle Dray
Although I consider myself a confident person, I was really nervous when I met Wendy for the first time. I had only emailed her before so it was really nerve wracking walking up the stairs to her office. I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I have ever done. Wendy is really normal, no in fact she isn’t normal as she is unfailingly bright and smiley even when she has to listen to me moan on about how awful my life was. It feels like having a chat with somebody who just gets you and you can trust with things you have never trusted anybody else with before. The magic bit comes when things you have talked about just pop up into your head and you start to do things differently. Wendy once joked about not having a magic wand, but I think she has.
Paul Hendry
I came to Wendy with a set of problems I have never been able to fully explain to anyone, which included grief, many family issues and alcohol problems. Wendy truly has an active listening style and absorbs everything you are saying, whilst not making you feel analysed, it is an incredible skill. She astounded me at how she got to the crux of the issues so fast. So much so that we both agreed I only needed one session with her, obviously this may not be the case with everyone but I would confidently recommend her to anyone, regardless of your problems. There was no awkwardness or even clock watching, she is wonderful at what she does, take the plunge and make an appointment, you will not regret it. Life is a direction not a destination and she will get you on the path again.
JB
