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Have you ever been called controlling?

People with anxiety can often be called controlling, obsessive or bossy and being called a control freak is now part of our everyday language.

Whilst you may have elements of all or some of this in the way you behave, there’s an important reason behind it.

You may feel actively anxious, or you may be prone to anxiety but feel mostly ok. Regardless of your anxiety status, you’ll spend a lot of your day keeping your world and everyone in it, safe.

When I talk about feeling safe, everyone will interpret this differently.

For some, safety will be looking after elderly parents, steering kids in the right direction and ensuring that everyone is happy. For others, safety will be about paying bills on time, and keeping their relationship together.

The problem with safety behaviour is that it can quickly get out of hand.

What starts off as steering the kids in a better direction, can quickly be perceived as controlling and critical parenting. I understand it comes from the best of intentions, but once safety behaviour gets a bit out of control (!) it becomes the opposite of keeping everyone safe.

If you know you’ve a tendency to do this, decide where your boundary is and stick to it. When you’ve hit your boundary, throw the rest out to fate. You may be pushing your teenager to go to university rather than do an apprenticeship in their best interests, but there’s a limit to how much you can push and a point at which you let them make their own decisions and leave the rest to fate.

And next time you get called bossy, feel free to use my response, “I’m not bossy, I just make better decisions”

www.wendydignan.co.uk 

 

Don’t just take my word for it...

Known as the best psychologist around, Wendy’s an obvious choice to be featured on the show’

Cheshire Housewives

As an ex-athlete I’ve always advocated the benefits of keeping in shape physically, but it’s just as important to look after your mental wellbeing. Book a session with Wendy, she’s the person to help you look after your brain just as you would your body.

Graham Bell

5 x Olympic Skier and presenter of BBC Ski Sunday.

Amazing!

Rachel Lugo

Cheshire Housewives

Dare to dream big and Wendy’s THE person to help get you there.

Sam Bailey

X Factor winner with a long list of sell out tour successes under her belt.

The most exciting thing in the world is getting a chance to tear it all up and start again. Keep all the things you want and throw out everything you don’t. Wendy will help you do just that!

Becky Sheeran

Beauty, lifestyle and fashion blogging sensation Becky Sheeran (TalkBeckyTalk)

It’s great to have a leading psychotherapist such as Wendy in the Cheshire area, outside of her Harley Street practice. After publicly raising awareness of mental health issues and myself recovering from depression, I know how immensely life-changing expert intervention can be.

Jason Jarrett

Retired ex-professional football who played for Bury, Wigan, Stoke, Preston, Norwich, Leicester and Brighton during a 14 year career. After leaving professional football, Jason battled depression and recovered with the help of therapy and family support.

Wendy is great at what she does; she made me feel at ease immediately and really helped me work through some issues.

Tara Costello

It’s funny but from the minute I met her I felt so relaxed and she was so easy to talk to. Thank you!

Stevie Brown

Wendy isn’t only really good at what she does, she’s also really easy to talk to.

Gabriel Wilson

I want to thank you Wendy from the bottom of my heart for guiding me through what must have been the most difficult time of my life.

Raza Syed

I was told she was the best and they were right.

Noelle Dray

Although I consider myself a confident person, I was really nervous when I met Wendy for the first time. I had only emailed her before so it was really nerve wracking walking up the stairs to her office. I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I have ever done. Wendy is really normal, no in fact she isn’t normal as she is unfailingly bright and smiley even when she has to listen to me moan on about how awful my life was. It feels like having a chat with somebody who just gets you and you can trust with things you have never trusted anybody else with before. The magic bit comes when things you have talked about just pop up into your head and you start to do things differently. Wendy once joked about not having a magic wand, but I think she has.

Paul Hendry

I came to Wendy with a set of problems I have never been able to fully explain to anyone, which included grief, many family issues and alcohol problems. Wendy truly has an active listening style and absorbs everything you are saying, whilst not making you feel analysed, it is an incredible skill. She astounded me at how she got to the crux of the issues so fast. So much so that we both agreed I only needed one session with her, obviously this may not be the case with everyone but I would confidently recommend her to anyone, regardless of your problems. There was no awkwardness or even clock watching, she is wonderful at what she does, take the plunge and make an appointment, you will not regret it. Life is a direction not a destination and she will get you on the path again.

JB

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