In Britain, we often pride ourselves on being polite, quick to apologise and willing to queue in the rain without complaint. Kindness and courtesy are wonderful qualities — but sometimes, being “too nice” can tip into something less helpful: excessive people pleasing.
In psychology we sometimes call this fawning. It’s one of the “4Fs” of trauma responses (alongside fight, flight and freeze).
Fawning develops when, at some stage in life — often childhood — we learn that pleasing others is the safest way to avoid rejection, abandonment or conflict. The inner belief becomes: If I keep everyone else happy, I’ll be safe.
Many people who grew up in difficult or unpredictable environments find themselves falling into this pattern.
You might recognise it if you:
On the surface, people pleasing can look like generosity. But the cost is that your own needs and boundaries are pushed aside. Over time, this can lead to stress, resentment, and a sense of losing touch with who you really are.
So what can you do?
The first step is awareness. Begin to notice when you’re saying “yes” automatically, or when an apology slips out without thought. Awareness opens the door to choice.
Next, experiment with small shifts:
For many, this pattern runs deep, rooted in experiences where pleasing others truly felt like survival. If that resonates with you, please know there is nothing “wrong” with you. This response once kept you safe. With time and support — whether through therapy, self-reflection, or gentle practice — it is absolutely possible to reclaim your voice and needs without fear.
Being kind, considerate and helpful are strengths. The invitation is to balance those qualities with authenticity, so your relationships feel mutual and you don’t lose yourself in the process.
You don’t have to earn love and acceptance by constantly saying yes. You are already enough.
Known as the best psychologist around, Wendy’s an obvious choice to be featured on the show’
Cheshire Housewives
As an ex-athlete I’ve always advocated the benefits of keeping in shape physically, but it’s just as important to look after your mental wellbeing. Book a session with Wendy, she’s the person to help you look after your brain just as you would your body.
Graham Bell
5 x Olympic Skier and presenter of BBC Ski Sunday.
Amazing!
Rachel Lugo
Cheshire Housewives
Dare to dream big and Wendy’s THE person to help get you there.
Sam Bailey
X Factor winner with a long list of sell out tour successes under her belt.
The most exciting thing in the world is getting a chance to tear it all up and start again. Keep all the things you want and throw out everything you don’t. Wendy will help you do just that!
Becky Sheeran
Beauty, lifestyle and fashion blogging sensation Becky Sheeran (TalkBeckyTalk)
It’s great to have a leading psychotherapist such as Wendy in the Cheshire area, outside of her Harley Street practice. After publicly raising awareness of mental health issues and myself recovering from depression, I know how immensely life-changing expert intervention can be.
Jason Jarrett
Retired ex-professional football who played for Bury, Wigan, Stoke, Preston, Norwich, Leicester and Brighton during a 14 year career. After leaving professional football, Jason battled depression and recovered with the help of therapy and family support.
Wendy is great at what she does; she made me feel at ease immediately and really helped me work through some issues.
Tara Costello
It’s funny but from the minute I met her I felt so relaxed and she was so easy to talk to. Thank you!
Stevie Brown
Wendy isn’t only really good at what she does, she’s also really easy to talk to.
Gabriel Wilson
I want to thank you Wendy from the bottom of my heart for guiding me through what must have been the most difficult time of my life.
Raza Syed
I was told she was the best and they were right.
Noelle Dray
Although I consider myself a confident person, I was really nervous when I met Wendy for the first time. I had only emailed her before so it was really nerve wracking walking up the stairs to her office. I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I have ever done. Wendy is really normal, no in fact she isn’t normal as she is unfailingly bright and smiley even when she has to listen to me moan on about how awful my life was. It feels like having a chat with somebody who just gets you and you can trust with things you have never trusted anybody else with before. The magic bit comes when things you have talked about just pop up into your head and you start to do things differently. Wendy once joked about not having a magic wand, but I think she has.
Paul Hendry
I came to Wendy with a set of problems I have never been able to fully explain to anyone, which included grief, many family issues and alcohol problems. Wendy truly has an active listening style and absorbs everything you are saying, whilst not making you feel analysed, it is an incredible skill. She astounded me at how she got to the crux of the issues so fast. So much so that we both agreed I only needed one session with her, obviously this may not be the case with everyone but I would confidently recommend her to anyone, regardless of your problems. There was no awkwardness or even clock watching, she is wonderful at what she does, take the plunge and make an appointment, you will not regret it. Life is a direction not a destination and she will get you on the path again.
JB
